bade with a blog

May 4, 2016, 01:09 AM Why am I not crippled by the fear that I won't make it into Heaven? I genuinely wish that that would be my biggest concern. If you're like me, you should be able to see where I'm coming from. Because I believe in science and I'm not at all religious, let alone conservative. Thus, there has to be something more to life than just being born, doing things and dying, which, to me, means completely abolishing until the end of time. This thought has always left me wanting more. More of what life has to offer. And not only here, but also in the so called "afterlife" -if there is such a concept- but I just can't bring myself to believe that my soul will live on and once I get the chance to lead some kind of life on earth, any, I will be somewhere, that I will not vanish per se. It's not easy to admit what I've admitted. Though I sometimes struggle. I struggle because I wish there really was something more. Something that would keep m

January 22, 2016 I'm 16 years of age and I've already been to so many various types of schools and we kept moving from one place to another, which leads me to having a wide range of friends from all over the city and naturally, a lot of social experience by now. For that I feel blessed, but as for everything, it had its side effects as well. The impact it has had on me is not gigantic, it is nonetheless worth mentioning. I used to be very concerned about making good friends, and when I thought I made it happen, I would never let go of those people to the point where I'd quite literally do anything for them, whereas I could very easily withdraw into my shell. Honestly, I still have this tendency to hold on to people, which would actually be considered as a rare quality and is definitely not to be ashamed of. Although, I would say that it's not very healthy. Change is not terrifying, and it usually comes with great possibilities. Change happens each passing moment. Life

January 19, 2016 2 AM Thoughts I guess it's in human nature to make comparisons among people, including ourselves. It must be one hell of a task to figure out why we work the way we do. Humans are greedy. Essentially, that's what pushes us to make these comparisons in our heads. One may say that it is okay to do so, one may defend the opposite. There is no concrete answer to any question that has ever been asked, nor will there ever be. This is not an argumentation. I just really needed to blabber and something to ramble on about. Striving for success is one thing, becoming blinded by the rush of feelings one gets from being too ambitious, too fast is another. As a great man once said, " There's nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come ." Furthermore, we could continue on our steps, but with more attention and less mind-wandering. Ultimately, when the time has finally arrived, it shall all end. It is as non-satisfactory as it is powerful. I came t

January 14, 2016 Comfortably Numb Isn't there a magic spell that can make all of my sorrows go away? Isn't there a magic bullet that could ease my pain? Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like the pain. I enjoy pain thoroughly. Sometimes, I become numb to the extent of not feeling anything at all anymore. That's what frightens me the most. I can't really say that I like the numbness. What's the fun in not feeling anything? And while we're hovering around the subject, I can't help but to mention my situation of not feeling anything, but rather thinking my feelings if that makes any sense. The feelings that I talk about mostly aren't my real feelings. They're just self-taught thoughts that I learnt to recognize over the course of time. Does this make me an overall numb person? I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm an emotionless wreck. My brother's psychiatrist told me months ago that due to what I've been through dur