bade with a blog

Honestly, I don't know what's wrong with me. Sometimes, I don't know if I'm genuinely feeling love towards a certain person or if it's just a very temporary emotional state I tend to get in because of a song that affects me, or if sometimes it's the outcome of some other emotion. For instance, it may be possible that I'm actually missing home but then I go onto pouring all those emotions into a superficial state I create, which I then call "missing my ex". I forcedly cry a little bit, look at a few pictures, rethink all of the stuff that we went through, then go ahead and write a few paragraphs. Then, every once in a while, the same procedure repeats itself with slight differences. I don't rely on my "emotions" because one minute I think that I'm missing someone, the other minute I can flirt with another person, and then maybe sleep with a completely different person -- provided they are attractive enough. Or maybe I genuinely lov

13.10.2019 I never thought it could be possible to start falling for someone while still desperately missing someone else, but it just happened, in an instant. And yet again, another romantic/sexual "relationship" (however you would call this) with a clear ending. Why does it have to be this way? This is not what I meant when I said I hated ambiguity. I hate to know that this will be over soon. I hate that even though we might be perfect for each other, this is not the right place and right time. You would think that everything in the universe would come together to put us together in perfect circumstances but I guess that's just a weird fantasy. This is real life and it is really tragic because you don't find something like this all the time. I'm not saying we are the definition of a great romance or something like that. I mean, it hasn't even been 2 weeks since we started to have "a thing". (Although, it is not the duration that matters; sometimes,