grown

Right now, I'm at a stage in my life where I'm growing so much from the pain. As I've already stated in one of my earlier articles, agony is a sublime form of growth. I'm finally learning to let go. I've come to realize that opposites attract but they don't necessarily work but when you love someone, you find a way to obtain the power within yourself to do absolutely anything it takes to make them happy and that person in my life is him. I will always cherish the good times we've had together. I've never been so intimate with anyone else in my life but we've come to a point in our lives where it is time to part our ways, maybe even find ourselves and start fresh, not particularly with each other anymore. Because we've tried, endlessly and it never worked out. I've always been willing to try and work things out every step of the way, with each new obstacle, forever, as long as I had him by my side but what's sad is that I never fully did. Maybe I wasn't open about my feelings and my intentions because honestly, it has always frightened me to let someone know how I truly felt about them and let them in. It's just something I've grown accustomed to growing up. That's what I do. I'm afraid to love and be loved on a much more intimate level. I was unlucky to not be able to have him by my side at all times, at all costs. I guess he wasn't ready. And in the future, he may be. Time will show. For the record, this isn't me putting the blame, if there is, on anyone. Maybe I should've loved him better and I wasn't ready either, I'm not sure. What I know for sure is that my love and care for him will never fade. He will always have a side of me and it'll always be his. That's something I can't deny. So here we are, we couldn't fight our destiny and that's just life. We all have stuff that we have to deal with and I'd like to see this as an opportunity to grow and start seeing things in a better light. Time truly heals everything and as time passes by, this pain in my chest is bound to pass as well. To know that is what keeps me going at this stage because lately, I've been eating myself alive but to end this on a good note, it's safe to say that I'm aware of my own worth. My worth is one I create for myself and it is the most important thing in my life, meaning, I'll be okay. Life goes on. If we are meant to be, he'll eventually come to me, or we'll eventually end up together. If not, it won't be an easy pill to swallow but as I've said earlier, I have my priorities straight and that's truly how he would wish me to be, not to say I'm doing this because of how he would want me to be but because it is a nice feeling. So anyway, enough rambling for today, I'm out.